In shelter CatLeitchfield, KY, 42754
Greetings from Clarkson, KY dear humans! My name is Radcliffe and I am interviewing candidates for the position of Permanent Personal Assistant and Purveyor of Num Nums to Radcliffe, the Grande Kitty of the Foster Castle Clarkson. I have been forced to use this channel of communication because, according to the rules, I don’t technically qualify for my own Facebook account, since I am…..GASP! A cat! Yes, like you, I am outraged but I believe it best to set this scandal aside and focus our attention on three topics of utmost importance: me, me and me! I am indeed a cat, as you can see! Since this is about me, I will of course not run on and on here but let’s do get to the pressing matter of me and my need for a loving, permanent living arrangement, which of course should include the various accoutrements to which I am accustomed to, such as, of course, a doting human who will assist me with my meals and water, the laundering of my bed, fluffing of my pillow, the acquisition and distribution of cat nip and various kitty treats, transportation to the veterinary doctor for routine care, the combing of my luxurious coat, petting, the opening of the many small gifts which I hope to receive, petting, and of course we shouldn’t omit my other needs such as petting, provisions such as toys, balls with bells in them, feather doo-dads, my place on the sofa, and the occasional introduction of my favorite species of moth into my living environment on odd numbered days of the week during the summer, and as relates to the important subject of my naps, the availability of a bright and very warm place just below a window as the sun streams through the glass between the hours of 9 am and 2:45 pm each day. You must step around me during these hours while not waking me. I will wake briefly for a meal and drink at 2:45 pm before resuming my nap, so you must be able to do without my assistance until I wake up. I shall cuddle with you then, should you require my devoted attention. My foster mother describes me in less formal terms because, of course, she is a human. She says that I am about two and a half years old and that I make her… laugh. I can assure you that I am not attempting to be funny, although that always seems to be the result. I overheard her telling a volunteer recently that I am “rather attached to my playthings” and that I like to carry them around while I “trill and mew.” She also went on to describe my attempts to communicate with her, and I quote, “He talks to his person a lot and he likes to sit and relax with you.” She also described my reproductive potential as “zilch, zip, zero and nada.” I have apparently been duped into being neutered a good while ago, though the memory of it seems not to come to me. Oh better this, than to find my kittens without the luxuries of homes and affection, I should think. She also told the volunteer that I am “large.” I feel the need to clarify that I am not a fat cat. I am, as human women like to say, tall, muscular and very, very handsome. I am sorry, locks of my hair are no longer available to my fans, so should you want me, you must have all of me. Forever. You will find my latest publicity photo attached. If you would like to fill out a “job” application, you will find it here: http://www.emailmeform.com/builder/form/4ha73WyiHUfM3N56 Do note that I am neutered, up to date on vaccinations and that transportation via carriage to other states is often an available option.